My inside friends

My inside friends housed in my heart keep me on my toes in this ole' world. Joy is a fickle friend...she comes bouncing into my life like an outgoing funny guest that is always welcome. She refreshes me with her sparkle and love for life. She stays awhile and fills up all the little spaces in my being. Her twin Happiness joins her and they just bubble over with goodness. Peace smiles wisely knowing that their visit will be fleeting....Peace knows that Joy and Happiness won't stay forever.

Then just as I am content with Joy and Happiness....Grief and Disappointment sneak inside and cut their visit short. They chase Joy and Happiness outside....and settle in. They are unwelcome guests...they weren't invited and they are obnoxious and greedy. They overstay their welcome. But Peace makes their stay bearable...again Peace smiles wisely knowing that regardless of those that drift in and out of my heart He lives there always. Peace is my loyal companion. Peace fills me with Hope.....and Hope will never disappoint me.

lost lullabies

What to write? How do you express the deepest love for a daughter in pain? The last couple of weeks have brought amazing joy...and then as the see saw of life so often does...bang...we bump back to earth. Katie and Charles surprised us a couple of Sundays ago with the joyous news...they were having a baby! They drove down from the city and cleverly arranged for the Cassady family to meet the Russell family at the Cotton Patch for lunch. We are such predictable folk that they knew this was our Sunday lunch routine. We all gathered around a large table in the middle of the restaurant and enjoyed family. Then...with the gusto of a child...five year old Dillon announced that he was going to have a new cousin...that Aunt Katie and Uncle Charles were pregnant! An explosion of laughter, hugs, tears, and applause filled the room. No doubt everyone there was aware that a very important announcement had been made...and the happiness just spilled over into the room and the crowd.

Emails were sent out...phone calls made...the happy news was shared. Names were suggested...the Chinese birthing calendar was checked....and already predictions were made. What fun to think about this new little one!

It is a mystery....this life. Intellectually we know rough times build character. We know that trials make us stronger...but couldn't it just be possible to have a few growth spurts without the pain? We are at peace with living in The Light...even when it hurts. This little one was not meant to be....the little heart didn't beat....and life was never complete. The expectations of holding a small bundle of joy in September will have to wait. Tears are shed...hearts will heal...but we will always carry this tender February memory.

I have no doubt my Katie will be a mother one day. She was meant to be a mother. That is really all she has ever truly wanted. Someday there will be blue eyed little Cassady babies. The nursery will be painted with sweet pastel baby colors....the rocking chair will rock...and lullabies will be sung among stuffed animals and children's books. His timing is perfect...and His plan will unfold. We will be patient and wait.

In the meantime...we are just living in the sandwich.