Daddy Bob Lessons

It is September. Every September I get a lump in my throat about now...do a lot of reflecting, less talking...more listening and thinking. This week marks three years without Dad. It was this week that we spent together on Hospice floor in Abilene...when the world outside seemed far away while Dad slipped away. I miss him. It is now when I return to the blog site...go to the month of September and travel back through time to remember.

I often think of the way he leaned forward as he sat with his big ole' rough hands clasped together...and the way he chuckled. I miss his crusty take on life....his wise words....his politically incorrect... but right on target way of thinking. I just miss Him. He was not much for soft words....but I knew he had a soft spot in his heart for me...and I never ever wanted to disappoint him.

Lesson: My dad was generous. Now if you knew him you would laugh at that statement....because he was VERY tight with money. He was frugal....well...really....just tight! He was a saver...loved a good deal. He loved making a good deal. But...when it really came down to it....he was generous. If  he knew you were in need....you could count on Dad. BUT...here was the deal. If he gave money to you it was a gift....no strings....no pay back....it was a gift. He didn't want you to go on and on about it....or even really acknowledge he had given you anything. He was notorious for slipping bills in your pocket and saying..."don't tell momma". Momma didn't care...but I just think he didn't want anybody thinking he had such a tender side.....We often heard from others that he had helped them out. He had a soft spot for folks down on their luck...or folks society had rejected for one reason or another. So he went about doing good quietly...in secret....and it made it all the more special to those of us on the receiving end. I learned about giving and receiving from my earthly father...which made the giving and receiving of gifts from the heavenly Father all the sweeter.

Lesson: Dad forgave. Make no mistake about it....when we messed up we paid the consequences. Many a time I behaved myself simply out of the fear of the wrath when I got home. It wasn't physical....just a "won't put up with it" authority that kept us in line. Dad separated the silly from the serious....we never wanted to disappoint him. What I really appreciated was when something was over....it was over. Your punishment phase was paid....then done. We didn't re-hash it....discuss it forever....it was done. As an adult I have come to appreciate his style more and more. Consequences, Forgiveness...Grace....Forgetfulness....hmmmm once again my Dad modeled for me heavenly qualities. Truthfully, I don't think he knew what he was doing. I doubt he planned to be or do what he was.....I think most parents just do the best they can. I think Dad was just a man of incredible integrity and common sense. He just followed his heart and lived as he believed was right.

Lesson: Dad laughed. He just got the biggest kick out of so many things. He told the best stories....and when he got tickled.....he was so funny. On his death bed....he called Guy and I to come in close....we leaned in expecting some revelation or some words from the heart.....he whispered, "I wanna tell you kids something...." We leaned in closer...."You're gonna have your hands full with your momma!" We pulled back, looked at each other....and all giggled. So much for heartfelt gut wrenching last thoughts. It was really just him.....being him.

Lesson: Dad didn't linger. When Dad knew it was time...he was ready. He didn't want rounds of chemo....he didn't want to fight what he believed was just fighting for a few weeks of sickness....he didn't want to put anybody out. When the doc asked him if he understood what being moved to the Hospice floor meant.....Dad replied, "Let's get on with it!" And...he did. He was ready....he was at peace. What a lesson! Why are we so afraid to go....when we have been promised so much?

Lessons: Generosity, Forgiveness, Laughter....and Hope....my Dad's legacy! By the way....Dad was not perfect...and he would not want me to make it seem so....he was a forgiven sinner that struggled each day....but that is the point really! :) Can it really be three years?