SPANKS!

Life has kept me away from blogging...or jogging. When returning to it...it seems to me that I have spent my time reflecting too much...and laughing too little! SO...time to grin and giggle a little more! With the wedding behind us...and quickly becoming a distant memory, I do want to write a few wedding reflections! Therefore, I would like to say a word or two about a very important and timely subject.....SPANKS!

The original plan was to lose 30 pounds back when the kids announced their engagement. Then after Christmas I reorganized my thinking and decided 20 pounds would be plenty.....finally a couple of weeks before the wedding I was looking for those crash diets where you lose 10 pounds in 24 hours! No need dieting for the long healthy haul....just go into starvation mode for a short period of time...get through the wedding and then go back to regular life! Life style change? Not so much! THEN....I heard about SPANKS! The wonder girdle! After looking around I discovered they sold them a Lane Bryant....a store I refused to go into until recently...I just felt I would be crossing over to the dark side....along with elastic waist pants and granny panties (which I love by the way!)

Well....I love SPANKS! I bought some and they were comfortable.....IF you can get them up! Surely the act alone could be considered as exercise. I burned some calories pulling those babies up! That was a sight to behold I am sure! The designer of these magnificent body squeezers put a slit where the crotch is.....thinking... of course, of the convenience for a lady to go to the restroom if the need should arise. Not possible!!! I am certain emptying ones bladder while entombed would not be possible. Nice thought....but just not possible. First of all that would require squatting....not possible. Then the whole idea of aiming directly through a slit without dripping....once again...not possible. AND....it would all require wearing no underwear.....EEEEEEWWW! I think maybe the opening was meant to just be a good ventilation system...but in my case my thighs will block the air flow...woo hoo! I think the real solution may be to not eat or drink anything for 24 hours there fore diminishing the need to use bathroom facilities!

One of my friends suggested I wear thongs with the SPANKS to prevent panty lines. Oh yea...let me think....NO! Talk about double trouble! My granny panties work quite well...thank you! The panty lines are concealed nicely between the fat roll of my floppy fanny! What we women won't do!

These are the kind of tiny yet significant details that are left out of wedding etiquette books. These are only the juicy tidbits one gets from honest girlfriends. So...my advice to all future mothers of the bride...or groom....granny panties and SPANKS.....or you could just be yourself and let it all hang out and have a rip roaring good time! :)