Faith Walks at ACU

After spending hours at a time in a hospital room....I left and went for walks on the ACU walking trail....which I have re-named....as I took faith walks each morning....or evening....depending on what worked out. As I walked I was struck by so many memories....

ACU has been such a vital part of my history. It was due to my Dad....and his stubborness that I attended there. I will forever be grateful that his wisdom outweighed my youthful rebellion. I remember him with his hat in his hand in the ACC financial aid office.....which for my Dad was way out of his comfort zone.....and it was a humbling experience for him. But he was willing to be humbled for the sake of his love for his daughter. Later when I was the secretary for the Industrial Arts Department...under Dr. Don Drennan and Bert Mosier.....he would stop by and visit me.....in his old pick up truck with the tailor hitched to the back....on the way to or from the cow sale. On one occasion he stopped by to visit me with a load of pigs.....and I was so embarrassed. Looking back with the wisdom that comes with age...I am a little ashamed that I would ever have been embarrassed by my Dad! I grew here....I fell in love here......

Then when Andy was so sick......we came here....and Norman Archibald arranged for us to live in Sherrod Apartments one summer so he could re-gain his health in the West Texas dry air.....we came with a sick little boy....and in the fall left with a healthy tan little fellow.

When it was time for me to gently nudge all three children from the nest....we nudged them to fly west.....and again.....I have three precious memories of dropping children off for their first year of college......and independence. But each time I left with the reassurance that they were in a place where they could grow....and flourish spiritually and intellectually.

Once again I return....to Abilene.....and find myself "at home" on a faith walk at ACU. As I waited for Dad to pass from this old world to the next....ACU was once again...right there at a crossroad moment in my life. As I walked past scriptures....and viewed the campus....I thought of our parallels in life......we were young and on the brink of discovery when I was there....and through the years we have both grown.....we are both much more mature.....each of us has grappled with faith issues.....and we have lived through a battle or two......but thriving and more beautiful than ever. Well, ACU is more beautiful than ever....and will continue to be......I on the other hand carry the wrinkles of time....and wear my battle scars! :) But I find such comfort in our history together. She has become my Jerusalem.

So...those are my faith walk thoughts....while watching the morning sunrise....or the unique West Texas sunsets. It is a beloved place....that I will forever hold in my heart.

Final Journey

Dad left this world around noon today. He had a hard night last night....and he is resting now. One of our angel nurses told me last night that sometimes it just takes a little longer to prepare their special place....and that we could take comfort in knowing that his special home was being prepared for him....and they were not quiet ready for his arrival. The finishing touches have now been completed....his home has now been prepared.....and he is standing amazed at the throne of God. I can see him young and healthy....with bright blue eyes.....and a cowboy hat cocked to the side a bit.....looking over a nice little spread....

The funeral ...or celebration of his life will be at 10:00 on Monday in Rising Star....that is what we are thinking right now. Memorials to Christian Homes of Abilene will be requested rather than flowers. That is where Guy and Cheryl adopted Haley....therefore, it is a special place in the hearts of our family.

We have felt all the prayers and love that has been offered over the last week. Last night was the last leg of this journey.....and we are so filled with joy that Dad has reached his final destination. God is so good.....and He has been right beside us every step of the way.

Thoughts from Hospice floor

The week seems endless....just more of the same....waiting...and watching. There are signs that Dad is declining....lower blood pressure, high heart rate, minimal urine output......all the medical jargon that goes with a life ending.

There angels on this earth....living, breathing angels.....they no longer wear white starched dresses with pinned on little caps....they have updated their uniforms to colorful scrubs and bright crocks. But...still they are angels. We have angels Mary, Suzanne and
Karena. They have paid attention to details....like how Dad puts his left hand into a fist and props his chin up when he sleeps. They will position him just right. They love on him and talk to him.....and sprinkle baby powder on his sheet around his feet so he smells nice....and it is cool to his touch. I am certain that if they removed their "jackets" beautiful gossamer wings would unfurl.

More angels arrived last night....a large group of them in fact.....they gathered around his bed and sang old hymns to him. He roused...at the tune of "The Old Rugged Cross" and "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" and "The Lord Bless You and Keep You". When I asked him if he thought it was pretty....he said, "You bet!" It was a special moment we will never forget. Another moment in his journey....

I "talked" with him last night....he had an old cow trader buddy named Sam.....Sam was a character....but he was honest....and he always behaved himself around Dad. Sam died many years ago....but we always heard many a cow trading story about Sam. Last night I said to dad..."wonder what ole' Sam is doing about now..." Dad replied, "He's waiting on me!" It made us smile.....except my brother reminded me that he wasn't sure Sam was where Dad was headed....:)

We have laughed, we have cried....and we have heard many stories about Dad through visitors. Dad was a cow trader....not a rancher....there is a difference. A rancher has land.....Dad had only 10 acres and a pen behind our house. He bought and sold....buy cheap...sell high. He would buy some of the most sickly pitiful calves you could ever imagine.....bring them back to health and fatten them up....and sell them at a good price. He could look at a herd....predict their weight...calculate the price they would bring in his head.....almost to the penny. He was honest....and respected...by fellow cow men....and the community. I am so proud to have had him as my Dad.

I did get an email from Bobbie that our Shelby is walking! I can't wait to see her little shiny face. A life beginning....a life ending.......and that is life......those of us in the middle.....watch it all with wonder. "We must not cry that it is over.....but smile that it happened"...those thoughts from a friend that dropped by this morning.

Daddy Bob update

Guy and I are taking turns staying with Dad. They have a roll away mattress but it is springy and creaky so we have decided the best way is to throw the mattress on the floor. It is not bad....you don't sleep too soundly anyway....much like the old days when you listened for your baby to cry....only now you are aware of the labored breathing beside you....and you sit up instantly when it gets quiet......then there is a gasp.....and you relax again.

Guy and I decided that Dad hated the "bubble wrap" under the sheets....so we took matters in our own hands....Guy held Dad in his arms...lifted him and I stripped it off....folded up and hid it in the closet. Dad has rested better since....or maybe we have! The nurse was not pleased with us.....and we are not normally rule breakers.....but it felt good to do something a little rebellious....and by golly....it was something we could DO.....so we did! My brother and I have reverted to our sibling rivalry. I am the big sis and he is the little brother....the problem is...he isn't! He is a grown man with opinions and he makes decisions....but he is however, the same aggravating little brother that torments me at the first opportunity! He is a good, sweet man....and we are learning so much about the other.

We have been disturbed by mom....she goes home (drives 50 miles) every night. It seemed silly to us and we kept insisting that she stay....since my brother lives in town....she has been equally insistent that she go home each night. It was my night off last night so I went home with her....and instantly I knew why she is going home. Dad's pick-up greets you as you pull in the drive way. His old tractor that he tinkered with all the time is in the garden....midway...in the middle of a row. Looks like he may have started something he could not quiet finish one day. That is where Daddy is....home. The moment I walked through the back door I saw his old coat and hat hanging on the hat stand....with his old boots underneath. His chair smells like him....and his socks are still beside his chair. Mom goes home to be with Dad.....he is not here in this sterile hospital room.

We have had silent moments, moments of grief and as you know....our family copes with humor. Last night Mom sat looking at Dad and said......"Well, he has been sleeping like that for six weeks.....I guess when he finally gets there he will sure be rested! " My brother and I looked at each other and then all three of us just folded in laughter.....with tears streaming down our cheeks. I am not sure it was that funny.....but it was nice to laugh....and one pitiful joke led to another. We are either a healthy family or a very sick family......but it was a much needed release. Dad would have been right there with us......he is the master of humor and certainly the master of spinning a good yarn!

Breakfast this morning was lonely.....Dad loved breakfast and he was always the one that fixed breakfast. At home you always woke up to the smell of coffee, bacon or sausage. He always bought those 99 cent biscuits that you whopped on the side of the counter to open. So....you heard the "whop" and smelled the smells. We always tried to get him to buy a better brand of biscuits....but he always said, "these will do just fine." And we ate them....with homemade plum jelly and of course, the ever present cream gravy. There was always a black cast iron skillet close by....for frying a little ham.....or some potatoes. This morning...the kitchen was quiet....and clean.....no smells. Mom and I tried to fix something healthy....and it just felt sad. I longed for cheap biscuits and cold ham.

Well, in God's time. We have a little blue book that explains the stages ....and what to look for. So we are seeing a few of the signs...if Dad chooses to go by the book......but he never has.....and I imagine he will go his own way this time as well. I know there is a life going on outside these walls....but it all seems so unimportant....and insignificant. For now....we are just waiting....drinking lots of coffee....and treasuring the memories.

The beginning of the end....

Since we have learned of Dad's cancer we have made as many trips as possible to visit. Bobbie, Andy, Shelby and Katie joined on this weekend to visit Dad in the hospital. On Saturday the doc called the family in and told us that Dad would be moved to the 7th floor...the Hospice floor. I followed him out of the room...told him I was from out of town and wondered if I should go...or stay. He told me to stay....that Dad had days not weeks...and maybe just hours. SO...here I am.

We are setting up our temporary home here on the seventh floor at Hendrick Memorial Hospital in Abilene. This floor is devoted to Hospice patients. There are only 7 rooms.....very large and more like a nice hotel room....there are two large family rooms with a kitchen, dining room table, and two living areas with a big screen tv. There is a shower area for families to clean up....roll away beds for you to stay....and it is very homey and nice. What a gift to families in their last days with their loved ones. I writing from from a computer in the family room. Amy lives a couple of blocks away...you can see her roof from Dad's window.

I stayed with Dad last night....he was restless.....and frustrated. I am not sure what he thought Hospice was.....but it is not exactly what he anticipated. He is ready to "go on home" and it is taking a little longer than he had planned. At 3 o'clock this morning we watched the Food channel and then "Gunsmoke" together. I said..."Well, look...there is Rowdy." He quickly corrected me and said, "That is Festus........Rowdy was in Rawhide!" So....nothing wrong with his thought processes! He has asked several times this morning when the Cowboy game was coming on.....but of course, when it comes on he will pretty much sleep through it. It is a very odd experience...waiting...anticipating....expecting...

wondering.....how do you do that? There is no right or wrong way.......just.....existing....and savoring moments.

My prayers have altered....I now pray for less not more......so that he can make a sooner transition from this world to the next. He is tired of this old worldly body....and that stupid mattress that makes that annoying crackling sound. He longs for heaven......and I am sure they are preparing a special place for him where old cow traders go with rolling pastures and fat cattle roaming. That would be Dad's street of gold.